My attempt at being creative

March 22, 2009 By 2 Comments

So my son had his first birthday, his first cake, and against my “healthy” instincts I gave him sugar filled cake.  You may recall my previous conundrum about giving him cake, well I caved.

 number 1 cake

Then I thought I’d get creative. Instead of my visions of the “number 1″ cake, last night I envisioned Elmo. That damn loveable creature from sesame street has been playing in my house non stop thanks to media center.  It’s bittersweet, my love hate (more hate) relationship with Elmo. I mean, my son is mesmerized by that stupid loveable creature that always refers to himself in the third person, and honestly it entertains him when I need to get things done, so hence the love part of the relationship.

Elmo

I swear only a person who watches as much sesame street as I do could hate Elmo. I mean the thing is wonderful if you only hear him for a few minutes, but hour after hour of the same episode (the one where Telly helps Gordon practice golf) you get annoyed of the laughing and the referring to himself in third person. Even as I write this I sing that Elmo’s world song.

And yes, I bought everything Elmo. The plates, the napkins the Balloon, the cups, the hats, the noise makers. everything. I was standing in line and 190$ later (that included a huge box of diapers) some woman asked me when the party was, and then commented, “they didn’t have this at the dollar store?”

OF course they probably had it at the dollar store, and Zellers took me for a lot of money that day, but I wanted to be in and out and not stand in line with a thousand people at the dollar store, but still. it hurts.

So you see the above picture of what Elmo looks like. And this is my version of Elmo:

Elmo cake

Elmo's head

My niece asked me where his arms and legs were, i told her I wasn’t that ambitious. My nephew said that there was an evil Elmo in the kitchen-and refused to eat any of the head, but ate the body  lol And you all can recall that I’ve never said I was Martha Stewart.

All in all, the cake was pretty good, and my son loved it and had three pieces:

Enjoying cake

I guess that’s all that matters right? But there is something creepy about cutting up and eating something that’s your favourite thing. Elmo didn’t look the same after my son was finished with him.

As for our family and friends, everyone was very generous and we are so lucky to have them in our lives. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for sharing his birthday with us!

Filed Under: Mom

Forgetting about your children, a sad reality.

March 10, 2009 By 5 Comments

I was wasting time on twitter today (via tweetdeck) and came across this article on parents who forget a child in their car and the child dies. Lisa Belkin highlights the original article in the Washington post by Gene Weingarten about children who are forgotten in their car seats. Please, read both articles.  It’s a thought that is horribly gut wrenching but a gruesome reality.

I almost didn’t read it because every time I read something like this it breaks my heart. It breaks it for many reasons, mostly because the thought of losing my son kills me. But also because, these people who forget their children, are just like you and me. The “interesting” thing about this article is the fact that there is no demographic that stands out as the “most susceptible” to forget their child.

In the article Gene Weingarten wrote states this:

“What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.”

 

I think that is what the scariest thing is. Not one person is more susceptible to forgetting. It’s just as likely to happen to a rocket scientist  as it is to a construction worker, both very different type of jobs and likely lifestyles and they can both have so much on their minds that they’d forget their child.

About a month ago people kept telling me to watch Oprah, ’cause there was this woman who’s child died in the car. My sister namely kept talking to me about this because she said, gosh I could so see that happening to me, and to be honest–I could see it happening to me too.  We get so caught up in our day to day responsibilities. Women often go through laundry lists in their heads while they drive, shop, have sex and eat. Trying to organize everyone and everything is a daunting task that so many of us do on “auto pilot.” Therein lies the problem.  We are so focused on getting things done, rarely do we find time to stop and feel or appreciate.

I know I catch myself driving on auto pilot when I’m trying to figure out a workable schedule. I know that there are times when my son is so quiet in the back, i forget he’s there. I also remember when he was first born, how I’d forget I was now a parent and there was a baby in the back seat.  I had posted this article on my facebook status and one of my friends sent me this message:

“I was very happy to see that article opening ppls eyes to the fact it is a lot of ppl that do it. Its not a “type” of person. I have always felt horrible for people who legitimately forget because I to have forgotten. I had X in the car just after I’d had him and I didn’t share with anyone until right this second because it still terrifies me. I had X in the car a friend had lent me their car so I could do some groceries. He was still really small and rear facing and he only fit behind me in the friends car. 
Well I got out at the grocery store and totally forgot to grab him. I forgot he was there I’m ashamed to say it I literally forgot I had a baby. I got ready to walk away from the car and realized my cell was ringing it was my friend she wanted to know if X had fit okay in the car. I started crying in a panic turned around really quick and opened the back door. There he was all snug and asleep. In a freezing car in the beginning of March. 

I still think about that every time I get in a car or hear a story on the news. I have told no one except my therapist with whom this incident I have had many sessions for! 
I have not droven alone with X EVER again! I probably won’t. It terrifies me. 

But it can happen to anyone! Because it happened to me, thank god only for about 2 minutes!”

 

She says that she hopes her story will make you all realize that it really can happen to anyone. But I just think back to how sleep deprived I was those first three months… I honestly don’t remember much about the first three months.  I couldn’t imagine having two or more young kids, working full time etc and be sleep deprived and then forgetting one of them in the car while trying to deal with the rest of your life.

And just how does someone get over something like that.  I think you’d forever blame yourself. The article talks about parents (both men and women) wanting to commit suicide even if it’s deemed an “accident.” I just don’t know if I could life with the fact that I killed my baby. The article also touches upon something else, that an “accident” is something that can’t be prevented.  Even if it was an accident to leave the child in the car, does that make it hurt less? No.  The article also touches upon the new safety regulations about rear facing car seats and how it makes it easier to “forget” a sleeping child in the back seat because they’re less visable.  It’s amazing how one thing creates a chain reaction of events, especially one that was designed to help save children’s lives in an “accident.”

So while this article is hard to read, it’s a very real problem. It’s happening more often and to every single type of person on this planet. No one is safe from the “perfect storm” as Weingarten coins these factors: fatigue, distraction, stress, a change in routine.  So hug your children a little longer tonight, know that you’ve made it this far. Continue to make a conscious effort to live somewhat more in the moment.  The summer season will be here before you know it, please be aware of your children in the car. I’ll take this article with me in my heart and continue to try to be a deliberate parent.  

Filed Under: Advice, Current Events, Mom, New Mom

The person who invented Daylight Savings Time never had children

March 9, 2009 By 4 Comments

I’m convinced, it was a man who invented DST and he never had children, (sorry men, I still love you but sometimes you’re clueless.)

Ok I wiki’d it and it was a man! William Willett get’s curses from me and all moms out there. On a side note about this man, his occupation as listed on Wiki is an Inventor. Gosh could you imagine on your resume listing Inventor 1998-2009? Who would take you seriously? Oh and he’s also the great-great-grandfather of Coldplay frontman Chris Martin.

Ok back to my ranting about DST. It was implemented by this man to cut costs on lighting before the first world war. However he proposed doing it in sucession not like we have it now, One whole hour at a time.   I never really minded it before I had children, so what it took a week or so to get in the groove of things when you went back or forward an hour (going back was always better then going forward until I had kids.) 

However now I have my little one’s schedule to work it in to. Last time in the spring when the time change happened it took him over a month to stop waking up at 4-5 am instead of 5-6 am. But now with the time change going forward, it’s lighter out (not a good thing when your child sleeps better in the dark) and in the morning it’s still dark (for now) and I have to wake him up… not a pleasant task I might add. There is a reason you don’t wake a sleeping toddler… they turn into mr./mrs. fussypants all day.

So for the next month i’ll be getting less sleep then normal (yay me) until this stupid system is worked into his routine… Oh the joys of motherhood. But I swear, i’m not bitter…

Filed Under: Current Events, Mom

Anyone else hate the spring forward?

March 9, 2009 By 1 Comment

What is it with “losing” an hour that ticks me off? Is it the stupid amount of clocks in my house that I have to change every spring or the fact that i’m jipped off from the precious sleep I never get anymore. Ok i’m being overtly dramatic this morning.

 

So I change most of the clocks in my house. Do I change my cell phone no. Why? Because every year it’s always changed the time automatically. So I set my alarm last night for this morning (three times on my cell phone–because i tend to hit snooz a couple of times) because currently our radio alarm clock is downstairs for the contractors working on our basement.

So my son wakes up at 6 AM (old time) and i try to settle him down but he is having none of it. By the time I get out of his room at 6:20 I realize that it’s not 6:20 am but 7:20 am. I am supposed to be on the bus by 7:40 to make it in for 8am if I catch the express.

So I had everything ready last night, i put make up on and go. Ran for about 5 minutes to the bus stop, and was there early by 4 minutes to when the bus was supposed to be there and do you think it came on time? No, it was12 minutes late. For an express bus that’s unacceptable. So I was late.

You know when you get to work late, your day always seems behind. Well i’m having one of those days. Plus with the time change it just feels off.  Oh well at least tomorrow is Tuesday. Lesson learned, no matter how much you get ready for the next day always make sure the time on your alarm clock–whatever it might be, is the right time.

Can anyone tell me why we still observe Daylight Savings time, other then to get more sunlight? Not everyone is a farmer anymore.

Filed Under: Mom

One year ago today I became a Mother

March 5, 2009 By 6 Comments

********* working on adding pictures, for some reason it’s not parsing well from live writer

 

This is a very long post filled with TMI (too much information) so if you don’t want to hear about labour in intimate detailing please come back another day.

 

Date of Birth: March 5, 2008 @ 5:45 pm

 

Original Due date: March 29th, 2008

 

Height and weight: 18 inches and 6lbs 7oz

 Gender: Male

 Story:

 

 Wow, well where to begin. My original due date was March 29 th and I was not yet on Mat leave. My last OB appointment had been at 33 weeks and because my doctor was supposed to be going on vacation I didn’t get another appointment until I was 37 weeks.. In the past few weeks I had been having a lot of Braxton hicks since about 30 weeks and I had a feeling that I was going to go early… not 3 weeks early but a week or so early… So here goes.

 

Monday March 3rd—took three 500mg of Evening Prim Rose Oil internally as I had been taking them since 35 weeks orally. I had also been drinking the Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (at least 2-3 cups a day since 34 weeks)

 

March 4th—Didn’t feel that great when I got up, but went to work anyways because no one had keys to my desk etc. So I worked the whole day, and ended up staying at work until 6 because I had prenatal classes that night. DH was supposed to come get me but got stuck in a meeting so I took the bus to my classes (it’s only a 15 min ride) and sat in class for the first half hour by myself. It was the breast feeding class so I sent DH home before he joined me to get my bf pillow.

 

 

 

Well he didn’t get there until 7:15 and about 2 minutes after he got there, I felt all warm and wet in my pants, I could tell I was leaking but had no idea if it was Amniotic fluid or pee… but I knew there was lots and as I sit in the front of the class I didn’t want to get up. So I leaned over to DH and said I think my water just broke. He whispered back “you’re sh*ting me, you’re just saying that cause I’m late” so  I said, no… I’m not.. so he asked me if I was sure and I said no.. maybe it’s pee.. but I told him I didn’t want to get up in front of the class.. and he said, you’re just saying this cause I’m late your water didn’t really break, and then I felt more warmness and said, umm yes…. it totally did, but class was going on break in 2 minutes so I decided to wait until then to get up. So she stopped talking and I slid off my chair a bit so Miguel could see if it was wet, and it was SOAKED LOL So I tried to grab my jacket and Miguel asked the instructor if someone’s water had ever broken in class, and she said nope… so he said well first time for everything, and I stood up and I gushed again! My grey dress pants were soaked.. I looked like I peed myself, so I was trying to cover myself with my jacket and everyone was staring and clapping and saying how happy they were J And I was sooo embarrassed!

 

SOOO someone gave me a pad, I ran …well walked to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and more flowed out, it was clear so I wasn’t worried about meconium in the waters but the pad did nothing as I was gushing more and more liquid… at this point I was a little freaked in an excited way and I was shaking a bit… We got in the car and called our doula, then I went home to shower, blow dry my hair (not really well I might add) and call a few friends and my work to let them know what was up.

 

I really wanted to post to all my wonderful online friends on Baby Center that I was going into labour but we had no computer set up for me as we had just gotten Dominic’s room painted the week before and built his crib (and that was our old office, where the computer was.) But we were waiting for a whole host of things.  The crib mattress, the change table, the car seat (that’s a whole other ordeal with airmiles and when I went into labour they had told me that day that they didn’t have any left, so I went to the hospital worrying about how I was supposed to bring home this baby lol) We literally had nothing ready. I had washed some clothes but hadn’t put any of them away, heck I was still working!

 

The only thing I had prepared was my hospital bag, which I ended up packing way too much stuff in and all the wrong stuff.  I think at that point when I asked Miguel for a computer to post on baby center, he thought I had lost it. I told him I’d also wanted to pay a few bills before we left and was beyond agitated when the first lap top I tried was dead.  I was still leaking a lot of amniotic fluid, and at this point is when I had no shame left. I had bought depends for after baby was born in case I bled a lot, but I ended up putting an adult diaper on because the pads were just not doing anything. I was so surprised at how much fluid there was.

 

So my contractions started around 8 or so.. and were getting too close for comfort, I was told by my doula to call obstetrical triage and make sure they wanted me to come in.. I called and they said come so I did LOL we got there around 9 pm I was taken in quickly and OH MY GOD does being checked internally hurt like an SOB.. I was 2 cm’s So that was good news (or so I thought), my contractions were getting stronger but were pretty irregular. Because I was 36 weeks 5 days I was considered pre term and was sent to high risk side.. also my GBS test results were not in my file so they had to give me the drugs anyways

 

So my labour increased and I was dealing with pretty painful contractions by breathing and such…. I was walking around the hospital floor, squatting, sitting on the ball etc. Miguel’s dad did some reflexology on me when they checked me around 1 to find out if I was progressing.. one of the night nurses was horrible.. she wanted to start me on citocin right away … and I was pretty against that … but when they checked me at 2am and I was still 2 cm’s the nurses started to prepare the drip.  My doctor came in and I asked if I could try a little longer on my own, she gave me two more hours and BOY were the nurses peeved. So 4 am rolls around and contractions are still painful… and they check me.. I’m still 2 cms.. maybe close to three. So they start me on the drip and I ask for the epi man… cause of all the stories I read… contractions get horrible on the drip.. So epi man comes around 5:30 am, and he’s fantastic… they also inserted a Foley cath around 7:30 am and I was set to go. I could still feel some of my contractions but nowhere near what I was feeling before. Shift change with the nurses brought some nicer nurses, a student doctor and a student nurse… which by the way was scary at first but they were both very awesome.

 

So then the new nurse checks me and I’m 4-5 cm’s so woo hoo lets get some sleep and see where things go!  I was at 0 station and she said that baby’s head doesn’t feel very big so that’s a good thing!  So they tell me to try to get some sleep but the stupid blood pressure machine going off every freaking 10 minutes made it impossible plus I was still feeling my contractions and the top ups just made me kind of numb. So by around 10:30 I was 5 cms and 100% effaced, and the bloody show was going on (those are Miguel’s words—I got him to write stuff down for me) and they pumped up my citocin to get things going.

 

1:20—i’m 9.5 cm’s and still feeling my contractions on my left side and they think I have a fever because when they took my temperature under my arm for the first time because I had ice chips and they said my temperature was two degrees hotter… so they gave me Tylenol took my temp 30 minutes later and I still had a temperature… then the doctor came in and said take it under her tongue and they did and I was fine.

 

By 3pm I started to really feel my contractions and no amount of drugs was working.. so the suggested the gas… wow did that make me loopy. So I took it for half of the contraction and then used breathing for the rest.

 

I was so numb I couldn’t feel the pressure in my bum to push..until around 3:55, so I started to push and when I put my legs up, I lost my contraction to push.. they tried the bar with the sheet, that didn’t work and then one of the nurses suggested they hold my legs (I tried to hold my own legs at first but no sleep and 21 hrs later I had no strength. So the student dr. and Miguel held my legs and the most helpful things for pushing for me was pushing with our stomach muscles and pushing with your bum muscles but also the pelvic floor muscles (kind of like doing legal’s) but really try not to strain your neck, I found that pushing and holding my breath for a few pushes and then pushing and breathing out worked well.

 

Around an hour and a half of pushing they said that I needed to start pushing harder (baby’s heart rate was getting erratic) and they started talking c section if things didn’t happen in the next 30 minutes.. they didn’t tell me that but talked around me. Again there were 3-4 nurses, 3-4 doctors, the NICU team (3-4) Miguel and my Doula in the room and everyone was talking about how amazing this was and Miguel watched the whole thing… which I find funny cause he didn’t want to confuse that area (business and pleasure LOL) but they all said I was doing a really good job… I couldn’t feel contractions anymore so I just kept pushing cause after all this I was not going to have a freaking c section LOL..

 

So I felt lots of pressure, and to be honest it was the worst part of my labour, it was the part that I felt the most out of control and I didn’t want to go on but logically I knew that meant it was almost over and people were talking all around me, that drove me crazy!! Miguel was trying to update people who were waiting (on his blackberry) and all I heard was the stupid clicking of the keys!! So I yelled at him to knock it off, and our doula asked him who he was texting, he told her that it was his brothers out in the waiting room and she went out there to go tell them to knock it off :P the doctors wanted to check how good I was doing with pushing and being my first time I think I was doing fantastic until this one doctor came in put her hands up me told me to push, and said, “Nope I don’t like that one, that’s not good enough”…. I almost kicked her in the face LOL. I think the thing about pushing is that is does feel good at first.. I almost felt I wasn’t in labour anymore, that is until he descended into the birth canal… then I kind of lost all composure, I was grunting, almost crying and upset, I never thought I’d be cliché and say I can’t do this, I even told myself don’t say it… but I said it anyways, and everyone was really great about how well I was doing. So I guess baby’s head was coming down funny and I really was having a hard time getting him out the doctor started talking about and episiotomy and was being nice and trying to explain it.. and I was telling him to do whatever it was to get him out I didn’t care, just do it, and then he said he was going to try the vacuum and so I just kept pushing with all my might it felt like they were stretching me to kingdom come to make room for baby and then baby’s head came out… they told me to stop pushing.. I knew that meant his cord was around the neck so I remembered from prenatal classes to pant and so I did that…. plus the vacuum that they had put on his head was turning with baby’s head and was about to turn inside me… so they told me to stop pushing right now. So I stopped as best I could the dr. pulled off the vacuum and then I could push again, and he was born.


 

 

Dominic Miguel Alexander  Carrasco entered this world at 5:45 pm on Wednesday March 5th, at 36 weeks 6 days.  Miguel was so shocked they were like where’s dad, dad wants to announce the sex, so Miguel was so busy kissing me saying he was so proud of me and that I did it! He finally looked down and said It’s a boy!

 

They wiped him off and put him on my tummy and he just looked at me… and wasn’t crying… so I started to get worried and asked if he was ok?  Miguel cut the cord and the grabbed him off me to put him on the incubator and they told me that he was having a hard time breathing on his own. I told Miguel not to take his eyes off of him. While they were moving him the “funny doctor” said Look what you did to his head mom…. meaning how I’d squished him… I did not find that funny. He then stitched me up for about 5-10 minutes, it was a second degree episiotomy and some tearing, so he wouldn’t tell me how many stitches… he finished up and said, well looks like you’ve never had a baby and I said it sure doesn’t feel that way. I was in pain instantly after Dominic was out. I asked for pain meds right away and some ice…  it sucked that I was alone without my baby while my hubby stayed with him… I think I was very depressed afterwards… I was amazed he was out but I didn’t feel this intense love everyone talked about. I also felt somehow responsible for making him not breathe well and sending him to NICU.

 

Both my student doctor and student nurse had never seen a natural birth before and stayed an extra three hours after their shift was done just to witness his birth.  I was very lucky to have them there, I don’t remember their names but they were fantastic!

 

My family came into see me and I was all loopy from the drugs I guess but I was not in a good mood… Just trying to cope with it best I could.  Miguel came back and said that he was doing better. Then the dr. Came in and said, they were trying to regulate his breathing as it kept going fast, they didn’t think he needed oxygen but weren’t sure… they weren’t sure when I’d get to see my baby. So I got up to empty my bladder (oh yeah and delivering the placenta was nothing, it felt like a slug coming out) had some toast as it’d been a long time since I’d eaten (Tuesday at lunch). Then I finally got into a room with someone else already there.. that sucked because I had really wanted hubby to stay with me even though I knew it wasn’t possible.. I finally got to see him around 9 pm… and he was still in NICU… I wanted to breast feed and such but they didn’t know if I could yet… then the dr. came in and assessed him and said they’d bring him to me in a little bit as he was doing better. He was crying when I came in and I started to  hum a song I played for him in utero and he calmed down… he couldn’t open his eyes for very long but alas he was ok!

 

 

 

 

 

If you are still reading kudos to you! I had written most of this 4 days after he was born. I had my husband and doula write down how I progressed in labour in Dominic’s book so that I would remember some of it.  The next day my coworkers came by to see us at the hospital and surprise surprise, the car seat had arrived.  Talk about amazing!

 

Despite not seeing my little guy for 4-5 hours after he was born, he was an amazing eater.  I will do it all over again one day, god willing. To me the hardest part was the first three months afterwards, not the labour.  Labour is totally doable and there is an end in site, not to mention a baby.  It took me three months to really feel connection to my son, he never slept longer then 1.5-2 hours so I merely coasted through his first 3 months.  I’m happy to report that he is one year’s old today and has become a wonderful sleeper and is still a champion eater. My life is very different now, but I wouldn’t change anything in my life.

 

So happy birthday little one, you’ll always be my baby no matter how old you get.

 

 

Love,

 

 

 

Mom and Dad

Filed Under: Mom
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