Advice | Real Tech Mom

Why I chose to go back to work after having kids.

April 30, 2012 by erincarrasco 7 Comments

When you have children, no one tells you how hard it is to go back to work. It’s a mixed bag of emotions for many women–myself included.

After my first child, I was one of those moms who had a hard time adjusting to the pace at home. Feeling “trapped” at home, and having no “life.” I still did a lot of work on the side and that is one thing I don’t recommend. I always felt stressed and pressured to do more. For me working at home just plain sucked. I didn’t do the job as good as I used to, and if I did, I didn’t pay enough attention to my son. It was a lose lose situation. I went back a little bit early after 11 months of being home (In Canada we get a year of Maternity leave–yes, I know it’s amazing) I started back part time–for a week, and then went back to full time.
Did I miss being home? Yes–But. But, I loved once again, going out for lunch, having a coffee in silence (this is before I become a true tea lover), being “important” and having my opinions mean something in the business world. My first son could not have cared less that I was leaving him at daycare because I’m fortunate enough to have my In Laws watch him. So it was the cat’s meow to go to grandma and grandpa’s all day. What was hard for me? He changed. He stopped being “my baby” and started to be his own little person. I missed a few of his firsts, like steps. THAT’S hard. I tell myself, that when he does it with me, it will be like a first, cause it’s the first time I’ve seen it. It’s also hard to let someone else essentially raise your child. They spend more time with them during waking hours then you do. And, quite frankly they don’t get paid enough in my opinion.

So if it was so hard to go back to work and leave my child in someone elses care WHY did I? Because, I am not a SAHM. I am good with the baby stage, but once they get older, they need different kids of stimulation and outings and quite frankly, I’m too lazy. I realized, that while I enjoyed my time at home, I enjoyed being back to work, not being hit, kicked, bit, spit on really works for me.

It also made me a better mom. I had more patience at the end of the day, and it is so wonderful to have your child super excited to see you.

And today, when I dropped of my not quite 11 month old son for his first day (half day) of daycare, I felt….good! I had been having anxiety about it for a week before I decided to come back early. This is my last baby, and once I go back, I can’t not go back. He will stop being my little baby and start being a little boy. I had this fear that he would think I was abandoning him–which I know logically I wasn’t. My second baby is much more attached to me, aka cries if I’m not there, even with the fabulous grandparents. But he didn’t cry once and did amazing today. And the best thing ever? I got the biggest snuggles for 5 whole minutes when I picked him up. He’d look at me, then hug me, then look at me, then hug me. It was so awesome.

So why did I choose to go back to work? Because for me, I’m a better parent when i’m not in the thick of it 100% of the day. I’ve made peace with it. I admire those who can do it–even more so the ones who do homeschooling and all that. I also went back because having a paycheck rocks.

So to those of you who are wrestling with this decision, it’s not easy. And you may cry on your first day (even if your child does not), but you will recognize if staying at home is for you or not. Do not feel guilty one way or the other. Your child will not forget who you are, or love the provider more than you, you are still mom. You always will be. That totally counts for something.

Filed Under: Advice Tagged With: baby, kids, maternity leave, mom, work

What beauty really looks like…

January 13, 2012 by erincarrasco Leave a Comment

My husband sent this to me. I am not a skinny girl. I’ve had two kids. And many moms (and non moms) feel horrible about their body because of the way media portrays what women should look like. Don’t I just sound like a feminist! But it’s true. As a teenager we are bombarded by ‘sexy’ skinny girls in music videos, on T.V. and in magazines. We’ve all seen the Dove commercial about accepting your body, and not being airbrushed. Models generally don’t look like they do in real life as they do on magazine covers as they shave inches off their small toned bodies and make them even thinner. But yet we still want to look like the airbrushed version. After all thin is in.

The stat they post in the article says that,

Twenty years ago the average fashion runway model weighed 8% less than the average woman, today she weighs 23% less.

Now, you might say, well twenty years ago the average woman weighed less than she does today, and you may be right, but look at this photo. This is a runway model who is likely forced to be anorexic to keep her size, and a Russian model who is a US size 12.

You be the judge, who is more beautiful?

To me, the “plus” sized model looks healthier and sexier.

So why as women do we only celebrate being sexy when we are “thin?” here is another photo from the article:

Many women are not between size 6-8, and there is a lot of controversy as to what qualifies as a plus sized model these days. However, if you are healthy as in; you exercise regularly and eat sensibly, you may not look like models on the covers of cosmo and the like, but it does not mean you are not sexy. –holy run on sentence batman! There are people out there who say that Plus Sized models support women being obese but the model makes the point that the industry should not support anorexia or obesity, and that beauty comes in various sizes.

Many women struggle after giving birth with reclaiming their sexuality because quite frankly their bodies are DIFFERENT. Not worse, just different. They may have stretch marks AKA battle scars, saggy boobs or leaky boobs, deflated stomachs, C section scars and the list goes on—wow I’m making post baby bodies sound delightful, aren’t I? But keep in mind, we created another human being! It’s not like you sat around on the couch for 9 months eating bon bons. And we have to get our minds around that this may be our new “sexy” body, you have to work with what you’ve got. Guess what, your husbands (if they are not assholes) still find you beautiful, even if you do not. It is harder to get back in shape after having a child but it is not impossible, but you must make yourself a priority.

Remember ladies, beautiful women come in all sizes, celebrate the sexy you now! Sometimes, some new sexy lingerie helps Just sayin’.

Filed Under: Advice, Mom, New Mom Tagged With: beauty, model, plus size, sexy, weight

Are you ready for number two? 5 Questions we all ask ourselves.

November 27, 2011 by erincarrasco Leave a Comment

If you are reading this you are one of two things: Pregnant with number two or you are contemplating it. (well you could be neither and just love my blog posts )

I googled this a few times when I was expecting for the second time and did some ridiculous online quizzes that told me nothing. So I’ve come up with 5 questions we all ask ourselves when we’re thinking of having another baby or worry about when we are already pregnant with number two.

1) I already love my first born so much, will I love the second as much?

Yes! And ladies, your husbands worry about this one too. You will love this new little baby as much as you love your first, but you will love them differently. Loving them differently allows you to love them just as much. Once you birth your baby via section or vaginally, you will fall in love all over again with your wee babe.

2) My kid already drives me insane a lot of the time, how will I handle two?

It’s hard. I won’t lie. You will be exhausted and pulled in so many directions. My suggestion? If you have an older child that old enough for preschool, send them to preschool. If you have the cash flow enough to still do daycare, do daycare. I’m not saying to do this full time, but it will give you a much needed break a few days a week so you can bond with your new babe, and get a nap in.

But there were points when our oldest drove us nuts and I thought, OMG I’m going to have to do this again?…AND deal with another child? WHAT DID I DO?! But you know what? My oldest is my baby’s favourite toy, and the first time your baby laughs at your oldest… will make your heart melt. It’s worth it. Remember that if your oldest child is sleeping through the night, you will have to get sleep deprived all over again, starting over with a newborn is hard—did I say that already? But if it’s any consolation? My first was a very spirited baby (aka—he didn’t sleep, and drove me batty for the first 3 months) and my second is an “angel” baby. He sleept well from the get go, and is generally a low maintenance baby. Your life is also different the second time around, you’re already used to having no—or very little of—social life, I was also used to functioning on very little sleep. I coped with becoming a mom the second time MUCH better. The first time I questioned everything I did, this time, it felt natural.

3) How will my older child adjust? is there anything I can do to help them adjust?

There is no way of knowing. I made sure we read a lot of books about getting a baby brother/sister. I always told my son that there was a baby in mommy’s tummy and that in summertime he was going to get to meet the baby. So as the seasons changed he would ask if it was summer yet so he could meet his brother etc. We also made sure that when he came to the hospital to meet his brother that I was not holding the baby when he came in and I asked him how he was doing first and then introduced him to his brother after catching up with him.

I took the pressure off approach, asking my oldest if he wanted to touch/kiss/sit near his brother and didn’t pressure him when he said no. He said no for a good 6 weeks. I also made sure there was still mom and son time alone—albeit to the grocery store… My husband was also a huge help with my oldest, he made sure to still take him out and make him feel very special. All in all we had very little issues adjusting.
The best part of having two? My oldest son made my youngest laugh for the very first time, my little baby just LOVES his older brother—its all the entertainment he needs.

4) My labour was a horrible experience the first time around (for any number of reasons) will this one be the same?

To be honest?! I was empowered at first thinking my labour couldn’t possibly be longer/worse than with my first. Everyone told me that second time labours are MUCH shorter. LIARS! LIARS! I’m not bitter at all (ok, I’m lying), my first labour was 23 hours, epidural, episiotomy etc. My Second was 28 hours, no epidural, but both times I had second degree tearing. BUT I’m the exception to the rule. Most second timers have a fast labour, the second pumpkin’s second time was so quick, that she almost had her daughter in the ambulance, her poor hubby didn’t even make it for the birth—he was trying to arrange child care for their eldest daughter. But I also had a midwife versus OBGYN the second time—MUCH better in my opinion.

On the plus side? I recovered much faster than the first go around. I probably had the same amount of stiches etc. But I also wasn’t pre term, I had a midwife, and a private room! I was able to have a shower right afterwards and it was heavenly! I also took hypnobirthing the second time around and I had the opportunity to do a fear release exercise with the instructor because of fears I was holding to from my first labour. It really helped me put the right things in perspective.

5) My pregnancy was really bad last time around—will it be the same?

I’m a big proponent of “no two pregnancies are the same.” My first was uneventful and I had a horrible labour, my second pregnancy was event filled and I still had a horrible labour. BUT both kids were healthy. I was more active in my last pregnancy, went for more chiropractic treatments and I was able to have a drug free intervention free birth. I barely took my prenatal vitamins this time around (shhhh don’t tell anyone), I ate things I shouldn’t have (the dreaded hot dog) and my child was still ok! One thing different I did was take off from work at 35 weeks. I was scared that having had my first son at 36 weeks I was going to go earlier or at the same time my previous pregnancy. I basically relaxed all of my 36th week of pregnancy. And I really enjoyed myself those weeks off without baby and just “me” time. If you can do it, I’d recommend it. I was so relaxed and got to accomplish a lot of things I didn’t get to while working and the first time, having DS at 36 weeks was a surprise, we had nothing ready. This time I went into labour at 39 weeks 6 days, I had everything ready. It was perfect.

So the bottom line? It’s hard to have two, but the best gift you can give your oldest “baby” is a sibling. There is nothing sweeter than seeing them laugh and play together.

Filed Under: Advice, Top 10 Lists Tagged With: baby, mom of two, pregnant, toddler, twins, two kids

Breaking up is hard to do.

February 25, 2010 by erincarrasco 1 Comment

Breaking up with a significant other is hard, breaking up with your boss when you quit can kind of feel the same.

You know when you try to break up with someone you don’t want to hurt them, lead them on or make them feel bad. At least not in healthy relationships. Recently I left my job at a company I helped start. In every sense of the word, it was a break up. I was breaking up with my boss. But what I will do is state simply I left for a new opportunity that enables me to grow professionally. How does that sound for impersonal professional?

When I was preparing my “we need to talk” speech in my head, it reminded me much like breaking up with an old boyfriend. Some points I will mention:

I wanted to go somewhere public in case he had a melt down, that way if he yelled and freaked out, I’d be surrounded by strangers people.
I didn’t tell him where I was going to, much like you never tell the ex, there is a new little somethin’ somethin’ or if you do, you don’t say who.
I wanted to not make it an angry goodbye , or point out faults as to why I was leaving but said rather, it’s not you it’s me (remember personal growth right?)
And lastly, I packed up all of my things before I broke the news, in case I was subject to verbal abuse. Much like you get all of your stuff before you break the news to your soon to be ex-partner.

I am happy to report that it went better then expected. Kind of like, “No. No. Really? I’ll give you more money.” But at this point and most of my career at this company it wasn’t about the money. I have to say, I loved what I did as a recruiter. I loved helping people find jobs that they wouldn’t have had the chance to find other wise. But nothing can last forever. It was time for me to move on and make a change.

Some points to remember when leaving your job; especially if it’s a small company. When you give notice, it’s not the time to point out faults in the owner and the business, that is what an exit interview is for (if you get one.) Remember the things you’ve learned from the company, and from the job. Remember the person who hired you and who gave you an opportunity to grow with the company. And lastly remember that you should NEVER ever burn any bridges. Even if you never want to cross them again.

Filed Under: Advice, Job search

Why your resume isn’t getting you the job you want.

August 17, 2009 by erincarrasco 5 Comments

In today’s market you don’t just have to be qualified you have to be better than the other applicants.

The person reviewing your resume may like things that are different from what I’m posting here, so while these are my suggestions they are not set in stone.

These are the first 5 things as to why you’re not getting an interview for the job you want.

1) You only have 1 resume

When you are in any type of profession in this market you are most likely applying for different industries that cater to the same type of job you have. That being said, if you are in IT you know that a help desk operator and a software architect are two totally different things. Just think about this, a help desk operator for a HVAC company and a help desk operator for a crown corporation may have the same duties but what’s expected from these employees is radically different.

Small companies depend on the worker bee type of employee who will wear many hats. Large corporations generally have people who all wear different hats and if it’s not in their job description they generally don’t do it.

So why is this important?

Because you NEED to tailor your resume for the industry and size of company you are applying too. Someone who thrives on creativity and being able to make a difference in the company may not like corporate America. Someone who likes process and structure might not like the small business feel. Small businesses look for different traits then large corporations.

Ask yourself where do you fit in and then ask yourself does your resume reflect that? If not, tailor different resumes to suit what you’re applying to.

Lesson: create different resumes to suit what you’re applying for.

2) You don’t have enough information

Is your resume one page? Then it’s too short in my opinion. I look at hundreds of resumes a day. AND while some people say it should fit on one page, after working for 15-20 years it had better not fit on one page. I’m a big fan of resumes that have summaries at the top to showcase your skills I’m asking for in the advertisement but that does not mean I don’t want to know what you did at each company you worked for.

Saying that you were a receptionist at ABC company doesn’t tell me if you did A/P, scheduling or answering the phone. Tell me why you suit what I’m looking for and I’m more inclined to phone you in for an interview.

Lesson: Don’t be afraid to showcase why you’re the person for the job, be specific!

3) You haven’t proofed your resume

Ok this should be number one. Spell checking your resume is not enough. You can still spell something correctly but use it in the wrong way. i.e. Two and too, their, there and they’re hold different meanings learn the difference between them.

Get someone else to look over your resume. Make sure you’re using the right tense consistently talk about your accomplishments in the past tense. If you do use present tense, don’t go back and forth in the same job description.

Lesson: Don’t be a lazy dumbass, proof your resume!

4) Your picture is on your resume

Even Bill Gates should not put his picture on his resume.

I always thought this was self explanatory but apparently not. In North America if you aren’t applying for a modelling/stripping or pornography job DO NOT put your picture on your resume. I had an argument with friends of mine 5 years ago saying that you should put your picture on your resume and to be honest, I know that people honestly just laugh at the pictures that accompany resumes.

Lesson: If you want people to know what you look like drop it off in person but DO NOT put your picture on your resume.

5) Two words: Social Networks

I’m sure you all got an email last week about the girl who posted something negative about her job and her boss on facebook only to be fired on facebook as he was one of her friends. While it seems silly and that it may be your personal life, newsflash it’s ONLINE!!!!

More and more hiring managers will go to facebook to check someone out before they call them in for an interview. what is your profile picture, what does it say about you as an employee? What type of information do you have available to the public, is it something you want employers to see?

I currently use Xobni for email management and guess what it pulls pictures from Linkedin and Facebook from all the applicants who apply for our jobs. So if your best profile picture is you getting drunk and looking like an idiot on your profile page, guess what, your potential employers will pass on you.

Lesson: Put a normal profile picture up.

And twitter. Oh twitter. I love twitter. But you tweeting at work about how dull your day is, and how much you hate your job it is grounds for dismissal. Not only does it reflect badly on you.. but future employers will wonder, why on earth they would hire you if all you do is bash your employer.

Lesson: be careful what you tweet.

Stay tuned for part two. In the meantime, always update your resume and be smart online. You never know who’s looking you up.