I was wasting time on twitter today (via tweetdeck) and came across this article on parents who forget a child in their car and the child dies. Lisa Belkin highlights the original article in the Washington post by Gene Weingarten about children who are forgotten in their car seats. Please, read both articles.  It’s a thought that is horribly gut wrenching but a gruesome reality.

I almost didn’t read it because every time I read something like this it breaks my heart. It breaks it for many reasons, mostly because the thought of losing my son kills me. But also because, these people who forget their children, are just like you and me. The “interesting” thing about this article is the fact that there is no demographic that stands out as the “most susceptible” to forget their child.

In the article Gene Weingarten wrote states this:

“What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.”

I think that is what the scariest thing is. Not one person is more susceptible to forgetting. It’s just as likely to happen to a rocket scientist  as it is to a construction worker, both very different type of jobs and likely lifestyles and they can both have so much on their minds that they’d forget their child.

About a month ago people kept telling me to watch Oprah, ’cause there was this woman who’s child died in the car. My sister namely kept talking to me about this because she said, gosh I could so see that happening to me, and to be honest–I could see it happening to me too.  We get so caught up in our day to day responsibilities. Women often go through laundry lists in their heads while they drive, shop, have sex and eat. Trying to organize everyone and everything is a daunting task that so many of us do on “auto pilot.” Therein lies the problem.  We are so focused on getting things done, rarely do we find time to stop and feel or appreciate.

I know I catch myself driving on auto pilot when I’m trying to figure out a workable schedule. I know that there are times when my son is so quiet in the back, i forget he’s there. I also remember when he was first born, how I’d forget I was now a parent and there was a baby in the back seat.  I had posted this article on my facebook status and one of my friends sent me this message:

“I was very happy to see that article opening ppls eyes to the fact it is a lot of ppl that do it. Its not a “type” of person. I have always felt horrible for people who legitimately forget because I to have forgotten. I had X in the car just after I’d had him and I didn’t share with anyone until right this second because it still terrifies me. I had X in the car a friend had lent me their car so I could do some groceries. He was still really small and rear facing and he only fit behind me in the friends car. 
Well I got out at the grocery store and totally forgot to grab him. I forgot he was there I’m ashamed to say it I literally forgot I had a baby. I got ready to walk away from the car and realized my cell was ringing it was my friend she wanted to know if X had fit okay in the car. I started crying in a panic turned around really quick and opened the back door. There he was all snug and asleep. In a freezing car in the beginning of March. 

I still think about that every time I get in a car or hear a story on the news. I have told no one except my therapist with whom this incident I have had many sessions for! 
I have not droven alone with X EVER again! I probably won’t. It terrifies me. 

But it can happen to anyone! Because it happened to me, thank god only for about 2 minutes!”

She says that she hopes her story will make you all realize that it really can happen to anyone. But I just think back to how sleep deprived I was those first three months… I honestly don’t remember much about the first three months.  I couldn’t imagine having two or more young kids, working full time etc and be sleep deprived and then forgetting one of them in the car while trying to deal with the rest of your life.

And just how does someone get over something like that.  I think you’d forever blame yourself. The article talks about parents (both men and women) wanting to commit suicide even if it’s deemed an “accident.” I just don’t know if I could life with the fact that I killed my baby. The article also touches upon something else, that an “accident” is something that can’t be prevented.  Even if it was an accident to leave the child in the car, does that make it hurt less? No.  The article also touches upon the new safety regulations about rear facing car seats and how it makes it easier to “forget” a sleeping child in the back seat because they’re less visable.  It’s amazing how one thing creates a chain reaction of events, especially one that was designed to help save children’s lives in an “accident.”

So while this article is hard to read, it’s a very real problem. It’s happening more often and to every single type of person on this planet. No one is safe from the “perfect storm” as Weingarten coins these factors: fatigue, distraction, stress, a change in routine.  So hug your children a little longer tonight, know that you’ve made it this far. Continue to make a conscious effort to live somewhat more in the moment.  The summer season will be here before you know it, please be aware of your children in the car. I’ll take this article with me in my heart and continue to try to be a deliberate parent.