While pregnant I wondered, just how would I feel about breastfeeding. I mean I know  that it’s “frowned” upon nowadays to not breastfeed, but just how would I feel.

It’s funny, that 50 years ago, formula was pushed and the breast was suppressed. Now if you do not breastfeed, there are groups (which will remain nameless) that make you feel like you’ve not done enough. That somehow you failed as a mother if you could not breastfeed your child.

The interesting thing is that when we lived in colonies of women and men things were a lot different. Babies were taken care of by groups of women, and more then likely were nursed by more then one woman. We also have the “wet nurse” in history for those  privileged people, who unless you gave birth to a boy, you were not allowed to breastfeed. Nowadays women are expected to do this on their own and not ask for “help” to often, because that means they cannot handle motherhood.

Yes, the breast has come a long way.

No longer did I think of them as a play things for gratification but as a per functionary instrument (gosh, how sexy is that???) to nourish my child.

This really did throw me for a loop.

I remember while I was pregnant, reading on baby center about women who feared breastfeeding. And I thought, who cares, if it works it works, hey it’s cheaper! Then I came across a post that said, she was worried about breastfeeding because someone told her it was sensual. Then the women bickered about it being sensual vs sexual and all that jazz, and by god it freaked the crap out of me.

I didn’t want to think of feeding my baby as sensual. What if I got turned on?

First off, breastfeeding was NOT sensual, not sexual, not intimate for me. It was a way to feed him. To make him stop crying, fussing, entertain him. It was NOT at ALL sexual. It was functional.

When I contemplated giving up breastfeeding at the end of 11 months, I was surprised I felt sad. I enjoyed my time with him in the morning, having him cuddle with me, and all that. But ask me from 0-3 months if I’d have given it up. Yes, in a heart beat. I hated it. I hated being responsible.. solely to feed my child. The fact that he didn’t sleep for more then 2 hours at a time made it darn near impossible to survive, but I did. The fact that no matter how tired I was, my husband worked and I had the boobs, so I HAD to get up. And it does get better. By 6 months, when you feed them solids it’s just so much easier to, “whip out the boob” then to make a bottle.

And ladies, lovemaking. Was. well messy.  I mean not only do you feel like a spare tire has situated across your midsection, you deal with the leaky boobs the dry vagina and the lack of sex drive. At least that’s how most feel.  I didn’t have all those syndromes stated above but I leaked everywhere. I wore breast pads until my son was 8 months old.

I was lucky my husband found my post baby body “sexy.” In turn that really helped me feel “better,” not sexy lol I wasn’t ready to jump back into my thong, those cotton panties are so comfortable lol

Oh and your boobs do NOT look the same and most often get smaller after you stop breastfeeding. This mom is petitioning to have a lift after she’s done having babies!

(I actually think his boob is not to saggy lol-lucky bastard)

My bottom line here is that if you’re freaked out about breastfeeding, I’m here to say it’s ok to be. It’s a new experience, and our society sexualizes the breasts. But It is a natural way to feed you baby. It hurts like hell for the first three weeks (buy lansinoh nipple cream!) but it is easier then carrying a bottle around with you. But with that being said. DO NOT feel like a bad mom or a failure if you stop to breastfeed. There are so many moms out there like you! Most of us were raised on formula not breast milk and i think we turned out just fine!

 
 
 PARENT – Job Description
 
 This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
 I don’t believe any of us would have done it!!!!
 
 POSITION :
 Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
 Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
 
 JOB DESCRIPTION :
 
 Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
 permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
 Candidates must possess excellent communication
 and organizational skills and be willing to work
 variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
 and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
 Some overnight travel required, including trips to
 primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
 in far away cities!
 Travel expenses not reimbursed.
 Extensive courier duties also required.
 
 RESPONSIBILITIES :
 
 The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
 until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
 Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from
 the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
 Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
 such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
 and stuck zippers.
 Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
 coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
 Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
 for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
 Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
 Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
 half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
 Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
 Must assume final, complete accountability for
 the quality of the end product.
 Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
 janitorial work throughout the facility.

 POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
 
 None.
 Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
 complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
 so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
 
 PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
 
 None required unfortunately.
 On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
 
 WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
 
 Get this! You pay them!
 Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
 A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
 of the assumption that college will help them
 become financially independent.
 When you die, you give them whatever is left.
 The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
 you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
 
 BENEFITS :
 
 While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
 no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
 no stock options are offered;
 this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
 unconditional love,  and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
 
 
NOTE–THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!

Thanks Hollie for sending this!

My Cat used to do this to our printer, I love how they think they can take on the printer.

The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kid’s myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’
‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’
She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
‘

Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Every summer there is one spider that hangs out in my window. He sits between my screen and the outside window. Every fall I flush him out–or so i think, and every year he comes back, or it’s probably not the same spider but it’s kind of fun to think that he is.

A week ago, my husband was cleaning the kitchen–yes it happens a few times a year, and says, "OMG there’s a huge spider in the window, hold on (I was talking to him at the time) for a second while I kill him." So I shout NOOOOOO he’s my buddy. Apparenlty that was the last thing he’d ever thought he’d hear me say. LOL

So today I had the window open for him to get some food in his web—yes I’ve become maternal to the stupid thing. and a little mosquito got stuck, well disturbingly enough my "little buddy" was no longer cute as I saw him charge the mosquito and grab him, and run back into the side of the window so he could devour him.

While I hate mosquito’s it was gross to see the spider attack LOL I think i’ll do some fall cleaning this weekend, it’s time for him to move on LOL

UPDATED

Well I did some cleaning but left the window open and wouldn’t you know he came back! So last night I had to flush him out again, it was tricky I tell you!  Imagine me waiting by the window until he was sitting on the glass and then quickly opening it up, and taking my kitchen sink hose thingy (I don’t know the technical name for it) and spraying him until he fell off!  Guess that window is staying closed until spring.